A Poem by Precious Okoyomon
Author: Poetry Editor
April 11, 2017
This week, a poem by Precious Okoyomon.
It’s Dissociating Season
I’m walking around Harlem and a little stoned and weepy. Feeling a little light blue maybe yellow this is my problem getting off on colors it’s all boring. i decide to eat some mushrooms just a couple caps trying to organize my mind patterns shifting around wave to wave – spasms of fantasy
Magic lifts my hair – that’s just the wind – that’s just the weed
My aimlessness is agreeable
i am but a gentle Thot floating in the wind beaming
Shamelessly happy I drift into a dreaminess
Everything i feel is hot and wet
i’m at Sam’s eating cupcakes sitting in loop of endless mirrors
naked bby bratz dolls holding tiny dicks
cream in my mouth
The light bounces off the walls soft pink / making the green world stop
My body drowning itself in the habit of the dream
Then Rachel tells me how to deal with trauma in recklessly graceful ways
Fluttering realities of dust – destroy memory functions in order to survive
My lover is texting me wondering where i am #worried
I’m . Getting. Tired . Of . My . Shit.
I’m a superficial bitch # selfish
I’m throwing my wig away in sam’s bathroom
first in the urinal // then in the sink
i leave it in the trash
When i was a child – I used to strip down and beat myself with a stick
An excess of desire – traumatized spasms of my fantasy
Then i’m calling my lover
i’m late. i’m always late
I’m. Getting. Tired. Of. My. Shit.
God doesn’t strike people down like he use 2 … dam i miss the old God
This poverty is perfect
what i love now is what’s barely there
Then Patricia is next to me on the couch talking me down from my trip rubbing my back
Reduce the living body
Then Taylor and I r snorting coke off the toilet at Bossa
Everything i like is 99% wrong
Everything i am is 99% wrong
Then Ryder is playing Three 6 mafia and he’s wondering who can really say Nigga
Nobody not with this weight
Then my lover is calling me
Then my lover is worried
Then my phone is dead
The sensation of constantly being unsettled
I’m always trying to only feel good
#onlygoodvibes #blessed #sage
Then i’m drinking a shitty martini with Ben
I miss my wig
my whole life a summer day
gin martinis no cherries no ice
No problems
Then Rin buys me whiskey
Then Ariel and is giving me their book and i’m blushing.
Then i’m feeling lustful.
Then i’m in bed with Hannah legs tangled bodies without origins
I awake horrified at the choices i have made
Lol
Forgive me father for I have sinned.
it’s been two weeks?
Um – Since my last confession.
I lied in my last confession, I have dishonored my mother and father, um
I have um – hurt people that I care about.
Then Taylor is rolling us a spliff
Then i’m high – I’m always stoned – extremes of pleasure- this void of endless animation
I don’t know how to drop repetitions
Dismembered body
I find myself repeating
I’m not myself today
I’m mixing up my identities
a revolt I am no longer a body
Ego leaks onto the street / shed light on humiliation
Then i’m lost
Then my mom is lending me money
I’m no good at taking care of myself
Temptation /a new poison /blur the lines of intoxication
I’m no good at feeling bad
– Oh God, have mercy on me, your daughter, a sinner.
If u touch it it’s yours
These are bonds
One thing next to another doesn’t mean they touch
An unseen shape rotating and twisting
Touching something lightly
Display dramatic expression
Then Sam is reminding me cuteness is its own violence
The colors that evolve
My goodness is insulting
Idk what life is
I want everyone to drown in my teenage dream
Blah blah blah
We are but young as the night
Of a bloody nose on tuesday
Then i’m at the reading and Darcy is asking me if i’m okay
Molly is handing me a coffee – black
Ben is giving me reassuring looks
I feel like my body will give out if I don’t smoke a joint
By the time I see your face
I’m the only Jesus in the room
Then we’re fighting and ur walking away from me.
Broken black bodies r really in right now
It’s a bummer nobody gets crucified anymore
I mean I’m trying
I want to care about art but I only care about people
Then Rachel is giving me a kpin
To stop the spasms
They fall in the Uber
I lower myself to the ground brush the pills into my hand and get high
Life is hard and I’m sorry
I’m sobbing & I can’t remember why now
being an person is hard and stupid
I suffer from that
Everything is embarrassing
Ugh this is getting out of hand
I can’t say no so don’t ask me
Fleshy animal
nothing is pure, invert yourself
——
PRECIOUS OKOYOMON is the author of Ajebota (Bottlecap Press 2016). She’s just a little lamb trying to figure this shit out. http://preciousokoyomon.com/
