This week, a poem by Precious Okoyomon.


It’s Dissociating Season


I’m walking around Harlem and a little stoned and weepy.  Feeling a little light blue maybe yellow this is my problem getting off on colors it’s all boring.    i  decide to eat some mushrooms just a couple caps trying to organize my mind patterns shifting around wave to wave – spasms of fantasy


Magic lifts my hair – that’s just the wind – that’s just the weed


   My aimlessness is agreeable

i am but a gentle Thot floating in the wind beaming

        Shamelessly happy I drift into  a dreaminess


    Everything i feel is hot and wet



i’m at Sam’s eating cupcakes sitting in loop of endless mirrors


naked bby bratz dolls holding tiny dicks

                                                                           cream in my mouth


The light bounces off the walls soft pink / making the green  world stop


My body drowning  itself in the habit of the dream

Then Rachel tells me how to deal with trauma in recklessly graceful ways


Fluttering realities of dust – destroy memory functions in order to survive


    My lover is texting me wondering where i am  #worried

I’m . Getting. Tired . Of . My . Shit.


 I’m a superficial bitch  # selfish



I’m throwing my wig away in sam’s bathroom

first in the urinal // then in the sink  

i leave it in the trash


When i was a child – I used to strip down and beat myself with a stick

An excess of desire – traumatized spasms of my fantasy  


Then i’m calling my lover

i’m late. i’m always late

          I’m. Getting. Tired. Of. My. Shit.


God doesn’t strike people down like he use 2 …  dam i miss the old God


This poverty is perfect

what i love now is what’s barely there


Then Patricia is  next to me on the couch talking me down from my trip rubbing my back

Reduce the living body


Then Taylor and I r snorting coke off the toilet at Bossa


Everything i like is 99% wrong


 Everything i am is 99% wrong

Then Ryder is playing Three 6 mafia and he’s wondering who can really say Nigga

Nobody  not with this weight


Then my lover is calling me

Then my lover is worried

Then my phone is dead

The sensation of constantly being unsettled


   I’m always trying to only feel good

#onlygoodvibes  #blessed #sage


Then i’m drinking a shitty martini with Ben

I miss my wig  

 my whole life a summer day

gin martinis no cherries no ice

No problems


Then Rin buys me whiskey


Then Ariel and is giving me their book and i’m blushing.

Then i’m feeling lustful.


Then i’m in bed with Hannah legs tangled bodies without origins

I awake horrified at the choices i have made




Forgive me father for I have sinned.

                                               it’s been two weeks?

Um – Since my last confession.

                                    I lied in my last confession, I have dishonored my mother and father, um

I have um – hurt people that I care about.


Then Taylor is rolling us a spliff

Then i’m high – I’m always stoned –  extremes of pleasure-  this void of endless animation


I don’t know how to drop repetitions

Dismembered body    

I find myself repeating

I’m not myself today

I’m mixing up my identities


a revolt I am no longer a body


Ego leaks onto the street / shed light on humiliation


Then i’m lost

Then my mom is lending me money

I’m no good at taking care of myself


Temptation /a new poison /blur the lines of intoxication


   I’m no good at feeling bad


– Oh God, have mercy on me, your daughter, a sinner.


If u touch it it’s yours

These are bonds

One thing next to another doesn’t mean they touch


An unseen shape rotating and twisting

Touching something lightly

Display dramatic expression


Then Sam is reminding me cuteness is its own violence     


The colors that evolve

My goodness is insulting


Idk what life is

I want everyone to drown in my teenage dream

Blah blah blah

We are but young as the night

Of a bloody nose on  tuesday


Then i’m at the reading and Darcy is asking me if i’m okay

  Molly is handing me a coffee – black

Ben is giving me reassuring looks

 I feel like my body will give out if I don’t smoke a joint

By the time I see your face

I’m the only Jesus in the room



Then we’re fighting and ur walking away from me.


Broken black bodies r really in right now


  It’s a bummer nobody gets crucified anymore


I mean I’m trying

I want to care about art but I only care about people


Then Rachel is giving me a kpin  

To stop the spasms  

They fall in the Uber  

I lower myself to the ground  brush the pills into my hand and get high

Life is hard and I’m sorry

I’m sobbing & I can’t remember why now

being an person is hard and stupid

I suffer from that

Everything is embarrassing

 Ugh this is getting out of hand

I can’t say no so don’t ask me


                            Fleshy animal

nothing is pure, invert yourself


PRECIOUS OKOYOMON is the author of Ajebota (Bottlecap Press 2016). She’s just a little lamb trying to figure this shit out.

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